In general, here's
the process, in sequence from 1-6, that people go through in building authentic
community:
Share…
- Knowledge about each other
- Experiences (do stuff together)
- Opinions
- Feelings
- Failures/Struggles
- Successes/Big Wins
FIVE IMPLICATIONS
1. In most cultures
(at least the Western cultures I know), the most risky thing to do, drawing the
most judgment and displeasure, is to truly share your victories--excitedly and
unvarnished with self-deprecating comments. Saying you've messed up is usually
more socially acceptable than saying you were awesome. Certain competitive
environments, like cutthroat corporations, may have these levels reversed,
though. If you think for a moment, you'll know whether failures or successes is
more risky in your setting.
2. The process is a
progression of adding a new layer without dropping what you've been doing. For
example, you keep learning more facts about each other (level 1) while you're
doing things together (level 2) that include conversations about opinions (level
3). If you want to open up and share feelings, you don't stop doing everything
else--you add that element to what you're already doing.
3. Generally
speaking, people need mutual validation at each level before being willing to
move to the next (higher) level. Skipping a level is much riskier. Yes, there
are individuals who will make a leap with you, but it's extremely rare to find
an entire group who is willing to leap like that. One step at a time.
4. It may take a lot
of time for the group to be comfortable with one level. This isn't a six week
process--one level a week. In fact, in another post, I explained that it
usually takes six months with a new group.
5. It's not a steady, evenly-spaced out process.
While it may take an average of six months, it's not usually one month spent
working on each level. In my experience, it's generally slow at the start, fast
in the middle, and slow for the last two levels.
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